Friday, December 21, 2012

My Letter to Santa: one writer's wish

Tis the season, and seeing as the world did not end as the Mayans might have predicted, we need to look ahead to the new year.  With Santa's help, perhaps this year will shine a little brighter. 


Dear Santa,

Its been awhile, I know. I have found it difficult to write ever since the Easy Bake Oven incident of 1979, however, I have finally let that go. From what I have gathered through the years, you saved me and my family from many a cake with the consistency of a hockey puck. However, I have to say at times I do feel a little unfulfilled, having never had the "cooking by lightbulb" childhood experience. But despite all of that, I am quite a good baker, as you know because of the milk and cookies I have left you over the years. And we will come back to that later.

I write today with a very specific want...desire...need! Santa, I WANT AN AGENT! I want a literary agent real bad.

There I said it.

To think that I could have that one person who believes in my work as much as I do and who has the professional clout and know-how to launch my career is wonderful!

To be able to say to other social invitations, "No sorry. I am not available Tuesday. I have a lunch meeting with my agent," would be grand!

To be "represented" to the Publishing BIG HOUSES in NYC...priceless. Well, not "priceless"'ll cost me 15% of any earnings...but STILL! To even imagine having earnings from my writing is unfathomable!

I know what you are going to say. I know you are not in the business of giving people as Christmas gifts. I remember that letter I wrote when I was 10, requesting Rick Springfield to be my boyfriend. You answered that you had found that people did not take kindly to being shoved in your sack and flown around the world only to be delivered under a tree on Christmas, so you gave up the practice. Therefore, I had to be content with a Rick Springfield poster...hardly a substitute.

I know as much as I promise to take good care of my agent and treat my agent well, you are NOT going to shove one down my chimney. That's why I came up with Plan B.

When you arrive at my home on Christmas Eve, instead of the customary milk and cookies, you are going to notice three things: my computer with a window already open to a blank document in Microsoft Word, my printer all ready to go with plenty of paper, and a dictionary (agents do not like to see misspellings or misused words).

I am asking you, dear Santa Claus, to write a Query Letter for me! Who better than someone who supposedly spies on me all year round? You know all about me. You know what I've been writing. So pitch it!

They say to think of it as an elevator speech...or maybe in your case, a chimney speech. For example, if you suddenly ran into Steven Spielberg on someone's roof and had a script you wanted to sell to him, what would you say to Mr. Spielberg on the trip down the chimney? Get it?

Anyway, I will also include a list of guidelines. And Santa, please make sure you follow the appropriate guidelines so that your letter can be seriously considered. If I am interested in using your letter, I will certainly follow up by sending the appropriate milk and cookies. However, if you haven't heard from me within 6 to 8 weeks, please assume that I am passing on your letter and will be seeking help elsewhere.

Thank you in advance for your help. Oh...and Merry Christmas! Let's hope this is the beautiful beginning of the renewal of our friendship.

Marcie Colleen


  1. Hahaha!

    If ole Santa pulls off Plan B for ya, I plan on using him too. Brilliant, Marcie, and I certainly hope that perfect agent spots your talent in 2013!

    Merry Christmas!

  2. WONDERFUL letter to Santa, Marcie! I hope he comes through with exactly what you wish for, and that 2013 holds much joy and success (and an agent) for you.

    And I can identify with the EasyBake Oven envy. It would have been so cool to be able to make tiny cakes in one of those awesome little ovens. As I recall, I had the little cake mixes and pans, but not an oven. ?????

  3. Love this, Marcie! I'm thinking 2013 will be your lucky year :) Happy holidays!

  4. Haha! I hope you get your agent.

    Merry Christmas.

  5. Thanks for such a wonderful plan... to heck with milk & cookies - I'm putting my laptop there on the tray, too.

  6. LOL... this is hilarous. But having said that, I'm joining you, and putting my laptop out on Christmas Eve, and going to bed, wishing and a praying. Lets hope it works for the both of us for 2013...LOL. All the best Marcie, have a Merry Christmas.

  7. LOVE THIS! I loved my easy bake oven. Only I did not cook on it much, since I didn't get any more packages of cake mix to prepare after Christmas. Marcie, I love this post. And I join in with the rest in wishing you just the right agent for the new year.

  8. Very cute, Marcie! I, too, learned to bake by light bulb! May Santa bring you your wish! (and me, too!)

  9. Love it! This is a keeper! Made my day. You sure put a lot of thought into this letter. Santa can't refuse a letter like this. May your wants and desires come true. I wish I could borrow your letter and tape it on my fireplace for Santa to see. Maybe he can grant me the same.

  10. This is so clever, Marcie! It would be my wish, too. I hope your fondest wishes come true in 2013.

  11. Marcie, I hope you get your wish this year :)

  12. So did the big guy leave you a query letter or just an easy bake oven? (I've heard he can be a funny guy like that)