Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Dear Santa: one writer's Christmas wish

First I want to thank each and every one of you who have read my entry, A Jelly Bean's Christmas, for Susanna Hill's Holiday Writing Contest.  Your comments have been wonderful.  Thank you so very much.  Should I happen to be chosen as one of the 3 finalists, voting with occur online on Monday, December 26th.  Stay tuned here for updates.  And Happy Holidays to all!

And now...my letter to Santa.

Dear Santa,

Its been awhile, I know.  I have found it difficult to write ever since the Easy Bake Oven incident of 1979, however, I have finally let that go.  From what I have gathered through the years, you saved me and my family from many a cake with the consistency of a hockey puck.  However, I have to say at times I do feel a little unfulfilled, having never had the "cooking by lightbulb" childhood experience.  But despite all of that, I am quite a good baker, as you know because of the milk and cookies I have left you over the years.  And we will come back to that later. 

I write today with a very specific want...desire...need!  Santa, I WANT AN AGENT!  I want a literary agent real bad. 

There I said it.

To think that I could have that one person who believes in my work as much as I do and who has the professional clout and know-how to launch my career is wonderful! 

To be able to say to other social invitations, "No sorry.  I am not available Tuesday.  I have a lunch meeting with my agent," would be grand! 

To be "represented" to the Publishing BIG HOUSES in NYC...priceless.  Well, not "priceless"...it'll cost me 15% of any earnings...but STILL!  To even imagine having earnings from my writing is unfathomable!

I know what you are going to say.  I know you are not in the business of giving people as Christmas gifts.  I remember that letter I wrote when I was 10, requesting Rick Springfield to be my boyfriend.  You answered that you had found that people did not take kindly to being shoved in your sack and flown around the world only to be delivered under a tree on Christmas, so you gave up the practice.  Therefore, I had to be content with a Rick Springfield poster...hardly a substitute. 

I know as much as I promise to take good care of my agent and treat my agent well, you are NOT going to shove one down my chimney.  That's why I came up with Plan B.

When you arrive at my home on Christmas Eve, instead of the customary milk and cookies, you are going to notice three things:  my computer with a window already open to a blank document in Microsoft Word, my printer all ready to go with plenty of paper, and a dictionary (agents do not like to see misspellings or misused words). 

I am asking you, dear Santa Claus, to write a Query Letter for me!  Who better than someone who supposedly spies on me all year round?  You know all about me.  You know what I've been writing.  So pitch it! 

They say to think of it as an elevator speech...or maybe in your case, a chimney speech.  For example, if you suddenly ran into Steven Spielberg on someone's roof and had a script you wanted to sell to him, what would you say to Mr. Spielberg on the trip down the chimney?  Get it? 

Anyway, I will also include a list of guidelines. And Santa, please make sure you follow the appropriate guidelines so that your letter can be seriously considered. If I am interested in using your letter, I will certainly follow up by sending the appropriate milk and cookies. However, if you haven't heard from me within 6 to 8 weeks, please assume that I am passing on your letter and will be seeking help elsewhere.

Thank you in advance for your help.  Oh...and Merry Christmas!  Let's hope this is the beautiful beginning of the renewal of our friendship.

Sincerely,
Marcie Colleen

18 comments:

  1. Marcie, this is hilarious! I think I asked for Scott Baio one year - lol!

    I'm going to tweet this to share with other writers.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh, thank you, Julie! I would LOVE people to share. :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. Love this Marcie! I especially loved the 6-8 week bit.=) Can we add a post script to Santa's letter? Extra milk and cookies for the man if he grants my agent xmas wish too??!!!! Happy Holidays.

    ReplyDelete
  4. That was hilarious! I never had an easybake oven, either, so you are not alone. I hope Santa writes an amazing query and you get the agent!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Hi, Marcie! I just discovered your blog through Julie's tweet of this post, I'm so glad to have found it! This post cracks me up, love it. Now I know what to ask Santa for LOL.

    Great to meet you!

    ReplyDelete
  6. I loved this! (And I hadn't thought of Rick Springfield for a long time, although I really wanted David Cassidy...)

    I hope Santa grants your wish, if not by writing a query letter for you, at least by seeing that the right agent loves the letter you write and send! (Surely the power to grant such a wish is within Santa's purview?)

    ReplyDelete
  7. Really clever! Nice work :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. I like your take on Santa's elevator speech...good work, Marcie!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Great piece of work. You are going places!

    ReplyDelete
  10. Too cute! I'll have you know that cakes cooked by lightbulb are DELISH! And I'm still waiting for Shaun Cassidy...Da-Doo-Ron-Ron

    ReplyDelete
  11. Too cute -- love the idea of Santa sitting down and writing a query letter.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Cute and clever and fun too! Like the other posters, I, too, am still waiting on Rick and Shaun and Scott. But I'd take an agent any day too!

    ReplyDelete
  13. Maybe I'll give this a try.....thanks for the inspiration!

    ReplyDelete
  14. Haha! Loved this. I LOVED my easy bake. You had every right to hold that grudge! How long did it take for Santa to deliver on said agent???

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, this was December of 2011. I signed with my agent in June of 2013. :)

      Delete
    2. I'd say that's pretty good for the KidLit industry! Took my daughter to Santa today at our library and they gave out Christmas wish lists to fill out while waiting. I almost added "an agent for mama" to my 2-yr old's list!

      Delete
  15. Agent is at the top of my Christmas list too. I haven't yet tried this approach, it seems as likely as any.

    ReplyDelete