Friday, June 21, 2013

Bullying: A Call for Story

I sat down last night and watched the documentary "Bully" (2011) for the first time.  Needless to say, it was hard to watch.  These poor little kids (and big kids, too) who are terrorized and victimized every single day because they are different.  My heart was ripped.

I thought of another movie I had watched recently, "Hardball" (2001) about a group of young kids from the projects of Chicago who form a baseball team.  At first, the kids are hard to take.  Foul mouthed.  Full of anger.  Lots of posturing.  Not your typical cute kids in a Disney movie.  But as the movie progresses and more of their individual stories unravel, I fell so in love with these kids.  I rooted for them.  I cried for them.  I felt for them.

It is so hard to see people who are different or difficult and not pass judgement.  I fight this everyday.  I might see a pack of teenagers on the subway acting all loud and rude.  I immediately pass judgement.  Or I see someone begging on the street, strung out on drugs.  I pass judgement.

When I started to notice this reaction, I invented a little game.  The second I want to pass judgement, I instead write the person's story in my head.  I imagine the hardships that got them where they are.  I write their backstory in my head.  I develop their hopes and dreams.  I conjure up strengths and weaknesses.  I give them fears that they must triumph over.

Bottomline, its a great writing exercise.  But it also builds empathy within me.

When we truly know someone, its harder to turn a blind eye or pass judgement.  When we understand where someone is coming from, it softens our heart to the things that usually keep us hardened.

That is the beauty of story.  Story creates empathy.  Story touches the heart.

I know there is a push lately to focus more on non-fiction and informational texts through the Common Core State Standards.  The emphasis is on building skills that are necessary for the workforce: sorting, categorizing, comparing, evaluating, analyzing, and reasoning.  Less and less emphasis is placed on how a text makes the reader feel.  Less focus is placed on texts that might make us better people, not just workers.

If we are not careful, we will eliminate the emotional connection, the story.  And therefore, we will no longer be inadvertantly teaching empathy.  We may as well teach computers, instead of children.

The fact is, we have a bullying problem in our schools.  Yet, fellow Storymakers...listen!  You have a place here.  Tell the stories.  The world needs YOU! The world needs more empathy.

16 comments:

  1. Love this post, Marcie. Very touching. Two things that stick with me big time are: "We may as well teach computers, instead of children." and "The world needs more empathy." Oh, wait, there's three things. The third is the emotion that I feel as a result of reading your post.I believe that everyone has a story. I think we are conditioned to judge, but we can change that. Your method of writing backstory in your head is a perfect way to transform. My heart breaks for the poor souls who must endure the cruelty of others who behind the scenes just might be poor souls as well. If only they realized they actually have a lot in common.

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  2. What an awesome post, Marcie!! I find myself fighting making judgements all the time! I try to tell myself, there's a reason that person is where he is or acts the way he does or looks the way he does. I think your idea of creating a back story is great!

    I know what you mean about how it's harder to pass judgement if you know someone. Has this ever happened to you: someone in a car cuts you off and you say (or think) "jerk" "moron" . . . then you see it's someone you know and you feel horrible about thinking that? That's always a good reminder to me not to judge!

    You've inspired me to write a story about bullying - the hard part is to do it in a way that's unique. I love a challenge!

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  3. What a wonderful, thought-provoking, challenging post, Marcie. Such an important, heartfelt message. Thank you for giving us some good "mental meat" to chew on.

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  4. This was a thoughtful, inspiring post. You have a lovely heart Marcie. :) I fully agree that we need to teach kids how to be good people in a what that isn't preachy of course.

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  5. This is a fantastic post that gives me food for thought!
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  6. I love these thoughts, Marcie. I have been thinking a lot recently about how quick I am to judge people without knowing their backstory. My YA is all about judgements within families. Thank you for reminding us of the importance of the emotional connection in our stories.

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  7. Well said, Marcie. I would go further and say that we have a bullying problem not just in our schools, but in our culture.

    I don't like seeing fiction pitted against nonfiction. The fact is, children need to be reading plenty of BOTH. I've read many great nonfiction books, but (speaking for myself) when I look back at the stories I remember most, the books that I felt an emotional connection with and the stories that really changed how I saw the world, they are all fiction.

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  8. Beautifully written, Marcie, and so true! I try so hard to NOT judge, because I don't want to be judged. We all have our struggles and I try to empathize and teach my kids to do the same. <3

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  9. So true. Stories. We learn as much from them as from nonfiction. It doesn't matter how the message gets through. It only matters that it GETS through.

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  10. Exactly, Marcie! Great post, and I agree about what you said regarding NF and the standards taking out the emotional aspect. I just wrote tons of questions for NF stories, and they're all Text-BASED, removing the "what do you think or how do you feel."

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  11. Amen! And I think every generation has to learn the lesson again and again. I treasure the authors that wrote children's book for me and helped me see that I was more than what other kids called me. The other transformative thing about books is that they make you realize the world is bigger and brighter than those who torment you can see. It's a wonderful thing to learn about the big world -- it makes the small world of bullies so much less important.

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  12. Fantastic post Marcie! I'm going to share! :-)

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  13. A beautiful post with a real message. It is true we often don't know how or why people are the way they are, and we should not judge so quickly. Thank you!

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  14. A beautiful post on so many levels. I do that when someone cuts me off and speeds away on the road. I think, well their children must of vomited on them this morning and they are late for the big meeting their boss just called last night.

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